Category: Religion

The current knows where it's going...

3/1/2015

UPDATE March 3: The following post may not be based in science, but... I was right! Something amazing happened yesterday -- something that tells me that though I am (sadly) not a psychic, my intuition is not bad. More later.

UPDATE March 6: Just had a job interview! That in and of itself is a joyous thing; the energy is moving in the right direction. Even if they find a person with more experience and/or less hourly salary requirements, I'm just so happy to have had a shot at something!!! I would LOVE that job -- working with parents who are out of work -- doing my best to help them get their lives and their children's lives in a better place. Realistically, not easy, but rewarding!

Lately, I have felt like I have needed to push hard and force life to give me what I need. The result of that approach (for me) is anxiety. Today, the world feels different. Though nothing has changed -- I have not landed that elusive "dream job" -- I feel very different. I simply have that peaceful feeling one gets when the struggle is over. I feel that a change is coming that will be a happy one for me. I will not push, force, or squeeze this creation into existence.

I am kicking back today, hanging out with a furry guest in my home named Boca. I am studying science in the comfort of my bedroom and welcoming the snow. I have an illogical (yet I believe authentic) sense that something remarkable is going to happen soon. I'm not psychic in the way that I'd like to be, but I can be intuitive. Something great is in the works.

"But one creature said at last, 'I am tired of clinging. Though I cannot see it with my eyes, I trust that the current knows where it is going. I shall let go, and let it take me where it will. Clinging, I shall die of boredom.'" -- Richard Bach

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"What Immortal Hand or Eye..."

2/18/2015

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It's all about spiritual questions, lately. That's what's on my mind. Wondering about all in life that is mysterious. NPR and the general world news has been getting to me again. Being informed -- I'm not sure that's the healthiest thing. Ignorance has its advantages. I really love fiction (TV, film, books); the escape keeps me sane. Call the Midwife is my current favorite, and will always hold a special place in my heart because every main character (and most minor ones) is uniquely lovable. That's rare.

I have an incredible soft spot for Chummy. She is one of those characters whose kindheartedness and vulnerability radiates right through the television screen. I want to know why some people are born to look like Jessica Raines and some are born to look like Miranda Hart. God? Nature? I would like a reasonable answer here. Believe me, I'm not feeling sorry for either actress. They both have the kind of success most of us can only dream about, yet -- if we are to believe there is any order to the world there must be a reason why some of us are so pretty and some of us are so... well, you know.

Are we really floating around in some astral plane, looking down, planning our next life saying, "I want to look like Cochran from Survivor."??? When I see Ozzy from Survivor (who in addition to his beauty reaches heights of athleticism that are mind-boggling) side by side with Cochran I just can't help thinking of The Tyger by William Blake: "Did he who made the lamb make thee?" Again, I'm not feeling sorry for Cochran; he has had great success and many gifts, yet while watching Survivor (don't judge now -- we all need our happy, relaxing, TV time) one can't help but notice the great contrast between the two types of men. I can't help but wonder if it is luck of the draw or part of some intelligent plan (that is most certainly beyond my common, earthly understanding).

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Patterns and Vera Farmiga

4/16/2014

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So, now that I have a new TV girlfriend, it is my mission to watch everything she has ever done. (If you're wondering what a TV girlfriend is, see my last post). I watched Higher Ground the other day which is pretty much her baby (production, direction, and acting credits).

I don't know about religion or a big god in the sky, but I do know that there are too many weird, weird coincidences in my life to attribute to chance. Sometimes it feels like someone else is running the show, guiding me this way and that. The frustrating thing is that I hardly ever really understand the message. I see the pattern, but I don't see why it is being shown to me.

A couple days after I started to "love" Vera, a friend of mine asked me if I had ever heard of her. She is acquainted with her. I'm not the type to think -- oh, that means I'm destined to meet her -- because I usually prefer not to meet celebrities that I admire. (The dynamic is usually weird. How can I be myself?) I do think that the coincidence is strange, and it is another example of a pattern being laid out for me. My friend mentioned Higher Ground, which I watched, and it seemed to be speaking directly to me. It's not that I'm immersed in a fundamentalist religious community, but there are elements of my life that are so deeply, deeply stuck in the same way that her character was. My sense of identification with her character, Corrine, (based upon a very real woman) put me into a psychological hole that I can't even begin to explain. I really can't. Not here. Better left for a therapist. Time to get into therapy?

This is not the first time a film has come my way that has been a direct reflection of something that is moving within my psyche. What I want to know about this sort of thing is -- why do these patterns exist, and what are they trying to tell me? Are they telling me to act on them, because my sense is that if I took action based upon these patterns, I would be rocking the boat so much so that I might sink. I can tell you right now that I'm not reading the book that it is based upon by Carolyn S. Briggs -- not yet anyway.

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Great Mood = Shorter Post

2/1/2014

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I am making a point to write a post today because I am really happy and content. I don't much feel compelled to write when I am in a happy mood. I use writing to cope with darkness, and sometimes to express that strange, deep feeling I get when my family is out of town and I am alone. Today is nearing its end and though it was an ordinary day it was also quite a satisfying one: took my son to a flexibility workshop with Bill "Superfoot" Wallace (great with kids, by the way); went on a rushed trip to Target with my daughter; arranged for shipment of a new color printer to replace my still-under-warranty Epson; worked with my children on our model of a Viking ship; went to church (snore); and paid bills while watching the old Franco Zeffirelli's old mini-series, Jesus of Nazareth (awesome) while paying bills.

Part of the reason that I am happy is that paying my bills didn't seem so terrible. Most people would probably think my finances are pretty awful, but today I felt like I could at least meet my bills. I'm not adding to my debt, anyway. That, for me, is a reason to be happy.

Today, I also put a few feelers out about about Compulsion Reads which is possibly up for sale. I have too many irons in the fire to run another business, but I think it is such a wonderful idea that I pray some bibliophile will take it over. Readers need some tool to lead them to the treasures sitting amongst all that indie-junk, and high quality authors who self-publish deserve to have their work promoted. Maybe some voracious reader will see this post and take over the biz. That is my hope. A good idea should not die.

Finally, I am thinking about it. It is percolating in there. The time is coming to outline the next novel in my series. I have a loose idea about where it is going to go. I have had doubts about writing it because publishing certainly not been a lucrative vocation, yet Robin is calling. Maybe I'll do my usual -- write it and stick it in a drawer. Maybe I'll just send the Word file to those few people who have read Dark Corner. I'm not sure, but I do know that it wants to be written -- and that is another nice thought to close a cheerful day.

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An Introvert Takes a Staycation (also known as "Home Alone")

12/1/2013

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Does eating pasta make a person's brain sluggish? I just ate vodka penne (from Feasta Pizza -- WOW is that stuff great!) and I feel very comfortable, but slower than usual. My brain moves too fast often, so it feels kind of nice. It's difficult to explain -- it's not that my brain moves fast in the way that I can do high level math -- it is more of a sense that I'm always rushing.

Anyway, that is not the topic of the moment. Here is the big news! I am home alone -- well, just me and Bunny the Dog. Those of you familiar with the reality of homeschooling will understand what a rare event this is for me. I am with my children almost all the time. And though they are attractive and charming and I love them with all my heart -- everybody needs a break now and then. Homeschooling parents' breaks are few and far between. Of course, it's not just one-sided. I'm sure my children need a break from me as well. After all, I'm an authority figure times two.

So, here I am eating my pasta with no one bothering me for a bite (not even Bunny at the moment) and watching a scary movie (my husband does not watch horror moves, so this is quite a rare event) so you can imagine that it's fun! After the movie (House at the End of the Street*), I'll read my book in peace and maybe a starch-induced nap!

With the success of the book Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking by Susan Cain, I have been thinking often of my introverted nature. I haven't read the book yet, but I have several thoughts about the subject. I'm an expert. I've been living my whole life as one.

Of course, with self-publishing my novel, many of the pressures I have felt to be more social are back again. Who am I to expect that my book with all its little letters all spelling out all its little words and all its little sentences and all its little paragraphs to stand alone without me there to knock on people's hands and shake their doors and be a proper salesman?!?!?!

I don't like knocking on hands and shaking doors. I want to stay home and write on my computer. If I do have to go out and see people, it's going to take mental energy. So, I've been thinking that this blog (right here!) is my way of being an extrovert (they spelled it extravert in my graduate psych classes at the New School). I am reaching out to people. I am voicing my opinions.. I am revealing my personality assets and defects. I am OPENING UP.

My introversion has it's own special flavor. I have always been comfortable speaking in front of groups in a formal way. That has never been a problem for me. It is those informal gatherings with little groups of people (like parties, holidays, etc) that I find abhorrent. Who will I talk to? What will I say? What horrible, offensive, twisted, nasty, judgmental proclamation will some social moron manage to spout? What horrible, offensive, twisted, nasty, judgemental response might make it's way out of my penne-vodka-hole?

So, I have never like parties. People drink alcohol to loosen up socially, and that just doesn't work for me. This is because I have some weird intolerance to alcohol. I can't get more than half a glass of anything down, so I don't think that's enough to do the trick. Don't get me wrong. Sometimes I go to parties and have fun. I plan to leave early and I end up staying a long time. It all depends upon the personality mix, and that is unpredictable. That is why I would prefer not to take the risk.

I really have a lot (Kids, don't use "a lot" in your writing) to say about being an introvert. Maybe I can make this into a little series. Here would be some of the topics: Why I don't have a close girlfriend to share secrets with; Why I don't share secrets with my husband; Whom (is that right? is that when I'm supposed to use whom? would some better grammar expert let me know?) I do share secrets with and why; Why I am not a "joiner" and will never, ever, ever-ever-ever (for the never-ever-ever-ever - thanks to Mr. Rupert at Prince Martial Arts Academy in Bridgewater, NJ) be a member of any specific religion -- not Christian, Pagan, Wiccan, Buddhism -- none of it; why I am extremely reluctant to get to know people (this one will be full of shock, betrayal, and surprise); and why I just love, love, love people from a safe distance like a screen or a classroom.

In one of them, maybe I'll reveal the inspiration for the character of Celia in Dark Corner. The psychologists (amateur and professional) will relish making connections between my "Celia" and my intimacy issues. Stay tuned.

* I should have looked at the Rotten Tomatoes reviews for House at the End of the Street. Eight percent fresh. And I do agree that it was rotten. Oh well. I didn't invest any money. It is on Netflix Instant Streaming. I was thinking it might be like a Jodie Foster movie that fascinated me when I was a kid. It was called The Little Girl Who Lives Down the Lane. Now that was fun viewing (in a sick, scary kind of way).

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The current knows where it's going...

"What Immortal Hand or Eye..."

Patterns and Vera Farmiga

Great Mood = Shorter Post

An Introvert Takes a Staycation (also known as "Home Alone")

About the Author:
needs sunlight
portrait below

Categories

Archives

The current knows where it's going...

"What Immortal Hand or Eye..."

Patterns and Vera Farmiga

Great Mood = Shorter Post

An Introvert Takes a Staycation (also known as "Home Alone")

About the Author:needs sunlightportrait below

Categories

Archives

About the Author:
needs sunlight
portrait below