Anyway, that is not the topic of the moment. Here is the big news! I am home alone -- well, just me and Bunny the Dog. Those of you familiar with the reality of homeschooling will understand what a rare event this is for me. I am with my children almost all the time. And though they are attractive and charming and I love them with all my heart -- everybody needs a break now and then. Homeschooling parents' breaks are few and far between. Of course, it's not just one-sided. I'm sure my children need a break from me as well. After all, I'm an authority figure times two.
So, here I am eating my pasta with no one bothering me for a bite (not even Bunny at the moment) and watching a scary movie (my husband does not watch horror moves, so this is quite a rare event) so you can imagine that it's fun! After the movie (House at the End of the Street*), I'll read my book in peace and maybe a starch-induced nap!
With the success of the book Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking by Susan Cain, I have been thinking often of my introverted nature. I haven't read the book yet, but I have several thoughts about the subject. I'm an expert. I've been living my whole life as one.
Of course, with self-publishing my novel, many of the pressures I have felt to be more social are back again. Who am I to expect that my book with all its little letters all spelling out all its little words and all its little sentences and all its little paragraphs to stand alone without me there to knock on people's hands and shake their doors and be a proper salesman?!?!?!
I don't like knocking on hands and shaking doors. I want to stay home and write on my computer. If I do have to go out and see people, it's going to take mental energy. So, I've been thinking that this blog (right here!) is my way of being an extrovert (they spelled it extravert in my graduate psych classes at the New School). I am reaching out to people. I am voicing my opinions.. I am revealing my personality assets and defects. I am OPENING UP.
My introversion has it's own special flavor. I have always been comfortable speaking in front of groups in a formal way. That has never been a problem for me. It is those informal gatherings with little groups of people (like parties, holidays, etc) that I find abhorrent. Who will I talk to? What will I say? What horrible, offensive, twisted, nasty, judgmental proclamation will some social moron manage to spout? What horrible, offensive, twisted, nasty, judgemental response might make it's way out of my penne-vodka-hole?
So, I have never like parties. People drink alcohol to loosen up socially, and that just doesn't work for me. This is because I have some weird intolerance to alcohol. I can't get more than half a glass of anything down, so I don't think that's enough to do the trick. Don't get me wrong. Sometimes I go to parties and have fun. I plan to leave early and I end up staying a long time. It all depends upon the personality mix, and that is unpredictable. That is why I would prefer not to take the risk.
I really have a lot (Kids, don't use "a lot" in your writing) to say about being an introvert. Maybe I can make this into a little series. Here would be some of the topics: Why I don't have a close girlfriend to share secrets with; Why I don't share secrets with my husband; Whom (is that right? is that when I'm supposed to use whom? would some better grammar expert let me know?) I do share secrets with and why; Why I am not a "joiner" and will never, ever, ever-ever-ever (for the never-ever-ever-ever - thanks to Mr. Rupert at Prince Martial Arts Academy in Bridgewater, NJ) be a member of any specific religion -- not Christian, Pagan, Wiccan, Buddhism -- none of it; why I am extremely reluctant to get to know people (this one will be full of shock, betrayal, and surprise); and why I just love, love, love people from a safe distance like a screen or a classroom.
In one of them, maybe I'll reveal the inspiration for the character of Celia in Dark Corner. The psychologists (amateur and professional) will relish making connections between my "Celia" and my intimacy issues. Stay tuned.
* I should have looked at the Rotten Tomatoes reviews for House at the End of the Street. Eight percent fresh. And I do agree that it was rotten. Oh well. I didn't invest any money. It is on Netflix Instant Streaming. I was thinking it might be like a Jodie Foster movie that fascinated me when I was a kid. It was called The Little Girl Who Lives Down the Lane. Now that was fun viewing (in a sick, scary kind of way).