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Why I Believe that Social Anxiety Disorder is a Sign of Intelligence

1/27/2014

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I have always been slightly anxious about socializing with others. I do not have social anxiety disorder, yet I rarely look forward to those events that force me to mix, mingle, and make conversation.  Maybe it would be easier if I were a drinker. I know some very nice people who use beer as an aid to socializing, but I don't like beer, wine or any alcoholic drink enough to make use of it. (I never quite grew up -- I still prefer sweet treats).

I should probably preface this entry by saying that I realize that I really am rather negative. I think of myself as optimistic, but nearly every time I feel the desire to write something here it is because of something less than joyful.  Actually, I think I am optimistic and more happy-go-lucky than the average person.  Perhaps it is the nature of writing. I use it to work out my shadow stuff. (I do like the word "stuff" -- sorry fellow English teachers).

Today, I heard about a "village council" in India that ordered the gang rape of a woman because she planned to marry a man from outside of her village.  Here is a link to the article: NY Times
. Sadly, it is not a surprising or unusual news story in our time. When I was a child, I believed that barbarism was firmly set in the middle ages. I didn't realize that racism, sexism, and other isms were happening in my time. Somehow, I had the idea that we as a human race had gotten past all of that. I thought every other human being reflected my own natural, liberal beliefs.

In my community, my children live a relatively sheltered life of abundance, a liberal exchange of thoughts and ideas, some exposure to the various religious beliefs, and adults with generally higher levels of education.
None of us have witnessed misogyny or racism in any overt way. (I won't mention the covert ones today). There are no "honor killings" in our neighborhood (that I know of).

When I listen to public radio (I know, I know) and hear the news from around the world, then it gets me thinking.  Human beings... hmmm. Well, there are a range of nasty human beings.  There are people who murder and rape and believe they are justified. There are wars in which people fight over power, land, "God," treasure, and anything else they can think of to excuse their thirst for blood. We are so used to war, that people don't even really think about what it actually is. Just think, for a moment, about what war actually is! It is people destroying and doing damage to other people - throughout history and today -- inflicting the same torture over and over again. Learning nothing. Pure insanity is what it is, and yet it is such a way of life for us that we don't consider it so.

After Adam Lanza murdered twenty-six innocent people, one of our local priests said that these events will always happen because of "original sin." Really?  If that is true, and we as human beings are forever destined to be perpetrators and victims, then... then what? God is eventually going to come back down and fix everything? God is going to come down and wipe us all out?

Then (being the weirdo that I am), I start thinking about the witch hunts. I'm just positive that I would have come to no good end if I was
hanging about then. I would have known enough to avoid mixing up herbal concoctions, but try as I might I'm sure I would have been accused by somebody in the town.

Then I start thinking about Nazis. When I learned about the Nazis in junior high school, I learned that human beings could be brainwashed. Brainwashed into thinking that certain types of people were not actually human, and that the world would be a better one if those types of people were extinguished. Had the Nazis themselves been quickly extinguished, then it seems world would have been better, now wouldn't it? But it is that whole Nazi propaganda thing that gets to me when I start looking at other people. I am disturbed by the idea that I -- as a human being -- might  be brainwashed into hating someone -- some group of some sort. I like to believe that I would not have been a Nazi because it is not in my nature to join groups of any kind. Sometimes I like the idea of a group -- I actually joined the "MOMS Club" after I had children -- but I just couldn't stick with it. I felt socially awkward. It was just too -- groupie.  So, that supports my belief that I would have avoided the whole Nazi thing, or the Wave, or Amway.

I wonder, sometimes, if I were living in Germany in the forties with my friends, relatives, and neighbors which ones would have been on the wrong side? And of course, I wonder about my own attitudes. I wonder if I would be brave like Miep Geis. I do have guesses about who I know that would be more likely to be vulnerable to propaganda and brain washing. And when I think about the amount of people who would be likely to lose their moral compass with the rest of the Nazis, then I think that being phobic about our fellow human beings makes a lot of sense.

I don't mean to be glib about social anxiety disorder. I do believe it is rooted in a very real and logical instinct for survival. Do you ever feel waves of hostility coming at you from strangers and wonder why? At the grocery store? At the gym? (There are other types of waves too -- attraction, friendliness -- those, I understand. It's the hostility that seems baseless and primitive). On my first day of Kindergarten, I was sitting on the floor as instructed and the girl sitting next to me kicked me. I was appalled. I cried every day of Kindergarten for nearly six months. It wasn't just the kicking experience that caused my fears; it was the terrifying unpredictability of each moment. If someone could kick me for no reason, then what other horror might come my way? The other children terrified me. Of course, they weren't so terrible. That same girl became my best friend for a time in fifth grade. Other people can be our best friends and our worst enemies.  We cannot control them or predict what they will do. Kindness towards others is not a guarantee that others will be kind to us. All of that is frightening. So social anxiety disorder makes sense to me. And the treatment of social anxiety disorder should not deny the plain fact that there are good and logical reasons to be nervous about other people.



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An Introvert Takes a Staycation (also known as "Home Alone")

12/1/2013

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Does eating pasta make a person's brain sluggish?  I just ate vodka penne (from Feasta Pizza -- WOW is that stuff great!) and I feel very comfortable, but slower than usual.  My brain moves too fast often, so it feels kind of nice.  It's difficult to explain -- it's not that my brain moves fast in the way that I can do high level math -- it is more of a sense that I'm always rushing.

Anyway, that is not the topic of the moment.  Here is the big news!  I am home alone -- well, just me and Bunny the Dog.
Those of you familiar with the reality of homeschooling will understand what a rare event this is for me.  I am with my children almost all the time.  And though they are attractive and charming and I love them with all my heart -- everybody needs a break now and then.  Homeschooling parents' breaks are few and far between.  Of course, it's not just one-sided.  I'm sure my children need a break from me as well.  After all, I'm an authority figure times two.

So, here I am eating my pasta with no one bothering me for a bite (not even Bunny at the moment) and watching a scary movie (my husband does not watch horror moves, so this is quite a rare event) so you can imagine that it's fun! After the movie (House at the End of the Street*), I'll read
my book in peace and maybe a starch-induced nap!

With the success of the book Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking by Susan Cain, I have been thinking often of my introverted nature.  I haven't read the book yet, but I have several thoughts about the subject.  I'm an expert.  I've been living my whole life as one. 

Of course, with self-publishing my novel, many of the pressures I have felt to be more social are back again.  Who am I to expect that my book with all its little letters all spelling out all its little words and all its little sentences and all its little paragraphs to stand alone without me there to knock on people's hands and shake their doors and be a proper salesman?!?!?!


I don't like knocking on hands and shaking doors.  I want to stay home and write on my computer. If I do have to go out and see people, it's going to take mental energy.  So, I've been thinking that this blog (right here!) is my way of being an extrovert (they spelled it extravert in my graduate psych classes at the New School).   I am reaching out to people.  I am voicing my opinions..  I am revealing my personality assets and defects. I am OPENING UP.

My introversion has it's own special flavor.  I have always been comfortable speaking in front of groups in a formal way.  That has never been a problem for me.  It is those informal gatherings with little groups of people (like parties, holidays, etc) that I find abhorrent.  Who will I talk to?  What will I say? What horrible, offensive, twisted, nasty, judgmental proclamation will some social moron manage to spout? What horrible, offensive, twisted, nasty, judgemental response might make it's way out of my penne-vodka-hole?

So, I have never like parties. People drink alcohol to loosen up socially, and that just doesn't work for me.  This is because I have some weird intolerance to alcohol. I can't get more than half a glass of anything down, so I don't think that's enough to
do the trick.  Don't get me wrong.  Sometimes I go to parties and have fun.  I plan to leave early and I end up staying a long time.  It all depends upon the personality mix, and that is unpredictable.  That is why I would prefer not to take the risk.

I really have a lot (Kids, don't use "a lot" in your writing) to say about being an introvert.  Maybe I can make this into a little series.  Here would be some of the topics: Why I don't have a close girlfriend to share secrets with; Why I don't share secrets with my husband; Whom (is that right?  is that when I'm supposed to use whom? would some better grammar expert let me know?)  I do share secrets with and why; Why I am not a "joiner" and will never, ever, ever-ever-ever (for the never-ever-ever-ever - thanks to Mr. Rupert at Prince Martial Arts Academy in Bridgewater, NJ)
be a member of any specific religion -- not Christian, Pagan, Wiccan, Buddhism -- none of it; why I am extremely reluctant to get to know people (this one will be full of shock, betrayal, and surprise); and why I just love, love, love people from a safe distance like a screen or a classroom.

In one of them, maybe I'll reveal the inspiration for the character of Celia in Dark Corner.  The psychologists (amateur and professional) will relish making connections between my "Celia" and my intimacy issues.  Stay tuned.

*
I should have looked at the Rotten Tomatoes reviews for House at the End of the Street. Eight percent fresh. And I do agree that it was rotten.  Oh well. I didn't invest any money.  It is on Netflix Instant Streaming.  I was thinking it might be like a Jodie Foster movie that fascinated me when I was a kid.  It was called The Little Girl Who Lives Down the Lane. Now that was fun viewing (in a sick, scary kind of way).

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