I've wept all those tears today. And I'm dead. And I've finally disappeared. So all feels like it could be okay again.
And I think I'll reappear again soon! And I'll never regret dying, and I won't regret the tears. And I'll want to live again.
You may be curious as to why I had to disappear and die. I can't put details here in public, but I spent a lifetime betraying myself and my true feelings. I didn't like myself. I didn't want to cause pain, discomfort, and trauma. So I tried to make something work that could not work. And I suffered and made others suffer by being weak and afraid. It was partly my baby Voldermort (my illness) and partly my finding a good therapist to tackle my lifelong eating/body image disorder that allowed me to die. It took too long, but no regrets. It took as long as it needed to take. And when I rise up again, like a Phoenix, I'll be beautiful. I won't be a passive aggressive bitch, I'll be a wicked crispy bitch!
Update 6:02PM: Having had to die today was such a good thing, but it really wears a person out. All I can do is just sit here like a zombie. I'm not floating in the heavens making plans to come down yet. I am floating, but no plans at all. Just a welcome nothingness.
Below is the old picture of me as I was disappearing.