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Disappearing Again...

2/7/2018

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Petra Sipkova
When you get sick, and you're still "young" (that's a relative term, but I've found that neurologists and pulmonologists consider fifties to be young), everything in life looks different. I'm sick. I'm not sure what is wrong, but I think I'm looking at two autoimmune diagnoses to add to my long established autoimmune diagnoses. I already have vitiligo (no big deal it just means that I'm a really white, white girl because my body has destroyed all my melanocytes that had once given me color). I have Hashimoto's thyroiditis, which means my body has basically killed my thyroid (the butterfly shaped gland in the base of the neck which controls many bodily functions). That hasn't really been a big deal other than possibly adding to my difficulties with weight. I take thyroid hormone replacement therapy. I was five years old when I got vitiligo and twenty-nine when I was diagnosed with Hashimoto's.

So what is my guess for the next two? Sjogren's syndrome that attack the tear and salivary glands (a possible reason for my cough - dryness).  I don't know, because I don't consciously notice a dry eye problem or lack of saliva when I'm eating. I do notice dry mouth as if I'm taking a medication that causes dry mouth (though I'm not). I may know about that diagnosis by the end of the month.

And here is the worst one of all: multiple sclerosis. This may be the diagnosis of the day. My MRI came back all lit up, apparently, meaning my body has attacked the myelin sheath that surrounds the nerves in the brain. I'm devastated and in that first denial/shock stage of grief. My psychological and physical response to all of this is going to be the cocoon. I don't want to go anywhere, see anyone. I want to hide. Have I had 100% confirmation yet? No, but the neurologist is pretty sure. She want to take a look at my spinal fluid. Here is some info about MS: http://www.newsweek.com/2015/02/13/hunt-multiple-sclerosis-cure-304233.html

I know that life will go on, but how? It seems so dark right now.
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