Wicked Writer
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  • Chippy and the Pink Balloon
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It's 4:20 AM

10/11/2014

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About an hour ago I woke up, unable to sleep. Ate an apple, heated some milk, and now my eyes are droopy. I spent the last half an hour reading the sequel to Dark Corner as it is so far. And so far, I'm pleased. Writing is so strange for me because I don't remember what I write. It might was well be someone else writing this stuff, because I don't recognize it. I just revise and edit it. I recognize my voice in the writing, of course, and I recognize my goofy love of paranormal stuff. Sometimes it embarrasses me how much I love ghosty, psychic stuff.  I guess it touches on the same reason that Harry Potter is so popular. Doesn't everyone wish that the occult (why would I used such a loaded word as "occult" when I could say "magic" and make it more wholesome and Disney, somehow?) were more palpable and malleable? That we could take the elements of our life that are not to our satisfaction and use it to alter and repair the problems?  So, I'm not such a freak for being attracted to the occult. I always was interested, and it made my mother really nervous when I was a kid. Truthfully, I'm no practicing pagan or Wiccan, or whatever the appropriate label is, but I still find it all fascinating.

But I digress...

Again...

The point to this blog (gag) is something I heard on public radio (gag). You know, I just love public radio, even as the world news tortures me. This was the show Radiolab, and what really got my attention was the opening of the show, rather than the intended theme.  The question author Eugene Thacker (In the Dust of this Planet) was answering for himself was whether he should still write the books he felt compelled to write if he knew no one would read them. And I've already given away the answer with the word, "compelled." Of course he would write them. I feel the same way. Writers are a dime a dozen. We were born with this internal drive to put fun house mirror reflections of ourselves out to the world. It might be fun if these creations made money or if people actually read them, but ultimately that is not the reason they exist. If the end goal of money and readers was the only motivator, there wouldn't be much (if any) high quality texts out there.

I like to write. When I come back to read and revise, I'm usually pleased with what I have done. Now that Dark Corner is out there in book form, I feel embarrassed about it for some reason. I'm sure that if I read it again I'd be pleased with it. It became just the sort of fun that I wanted it to be. I loved reading books in that same style when I was a child, so I do admit to liking my own story. I think it is the innocence of it in this cynical world that embarrasses me, but I write for myself. I really do.

That doesn't mean I would turn down financial success if it came my way. Being firmly part of "the other 98 percent" money would be a miracle. But if it means I have to stop writing and put a bunch of time, effort and money into marketing, I would just prefer to write my books and let them float out there in the unknown. Now if I had a prayer or spell, I would just create time to write, because 4:00AM is not ideal.


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The Adventures of Robin Wingfield: Ghost by the Side of the Road

7/12/2014

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(That's a working title -- do you like it?)

Sometimes I make plans and fail to follow through.  My mind can spin off in all sorts of different directions, yet I can only follow one path at a time. The closest I have come to multitasking is cleaning the kitchen while singing to Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young. A few months ago, I decided to start on the sequel to Dark Corner, but I never got anywhere with that. I was distracted by all kinds of projects, some necessary, others not so much.

Finally, I am ready, inspired by yet another review expressing the hope that the next book will follow soon. I empathize with that, because as I child I wrote a letter to author Holly Beth Walker basically begging her to write another "Meg Duncan Mystery." (The publishing company wrote back to tell me that Holly Beth Walker did not exist, but was a pseudonym for a number of authors. They also informed me that the company had no plans to publish another book. Nice, huh?)

Here is a link to the review from Fresh Fiction by the way: DARK CORNER


So, obviously I'm not giving away any secrets, but I am happy to say I do know where the main plot is heading and
I have a good idea of each character's path. This installment is about Robin's search for her father who went missing when she was little. I'm very pleased with it and I'm looking forward to watching the story grow. Fortunately, that is how it works for me -- once I get the big decisions made (e.g. how exactly will the mystery of the missing dad be solved), then I have the experience of watching it write itself.  I know it's going through my brain and out my arms and through my fingers, but it feels more like channeling a spirit. I guess that's why I have such an interest in channeling (aside from knowing a lady who could do it and reading most of the Seth books). I can't channel spirits, but I do get the idea of having a story flow through me while it feels like I am just a spectator rather than the creator. The weirdest part of that is how often I look back on my writing from just a few days previous and I have no recollection of writing it! Maybe I've got dissociative identity disorder, but whatever it is, it doesn't disturb me. Maybe the dissociation allows me to write without worrying about whether it's "good."  Worrying about quality or reviews is just paralyzing to a writer.

So, no need to procrastinate. Off I go!

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Goodreads Giveaway

2/15/2014

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I got this message from Goodreads:

"This is a reminder that your giveaway has ended. Winners have been notified that they have won, and expect to receive their book within 6-8 weeks.

Dark Corner
1649 people entered.
10 people won."


Six to eight weeks
? Never in my wildest dreams would I sit on these books for six to eight weeks.  They go out on the first available day the post office is open!  (I think that's Tuesday). I can't even begin to explain how grateful I am that 1649 people entered to win a copy of my little creation. Dark Corner may never be New York Times Bestseller, but I feel so humbled and appreciative of any soul who is willing to give it a chance. So... thank you.



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Great Mood = Shorter Post

2/1/2014

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I am making a point to write a post today because I am really happy and content. I don't much feel compelled to write when I am in a happy mood.  I use writing to cope with darkness, and sometimes to express that strange, deep feeling I get when my family is out of town and I am alone. Today is nearing its end and though it was an ordinary day it was also quite a satisfying one: took my son to a flexibility workshop with Bill "Superfoot" Wallace (great with kids, by the way); went on a rushed trip to Target with my daughter; arranged for shipment of a new color printer to replace my still-under-warranty Epson; worked with my children on our model of a Viking ship; went to church (snore); and paid bills while watching the old Franco Zeffirelli's old mini-series, Jesus of Nazareth (awesome) while paying bills.

Part of the reason that I am happy is that paying my bills didn't seem so terrible.  Most people would probably think my finances are pretty awful, but today I felt like I could at least meet my bills. I'm not adding to my debt, anyway. That, for me, is a reason to be happy.

Today, I also put a few feelers out about about Compulsion Reads which is possibly up for sale.  I have too many irons in the fire to run another business, but I think it is such a wonderful idea that I pray some bibliophile will take it over. Readers need some tool to lead them to the treasures sitting amongst all that indie-junk, and high quality authors who self-publish deserve to have their work promoted. Maybe some voracious reader will see this post and take over the biz.  That is my hope.  A good idea should not die.

Finally, I am thinking about it. It is percolating in there. The time is coming to outline the next novel in my series.  I have a loose idea about where it is going to go. I have had doubts about writing it because publishing certainly not been a lucrative vocation, yet Robin is calling.  Maybe I'll do my usual -- write it and stick it in a drawer.  Maybe I'll just send the Word file to those few people who have read Dark Corner. I'm not sure, but I do know that it wants to be written -- and that is another nice thought to close a cheerful day.



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An Introvert Takes a Staycation (also known as "Home Alone")

12/1/2013

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Does eating pasta make a person's brain sluggish?  I just ate vodka penne (from Feasta Pizza -- WOW is that stuff great!) and I feel very comfortable, but slower than usual.  My brain moves too fast often, so it feels kind of nice.  It's difficult to explain -- it's not that my brain moves fast in the way that I can do high level math -- it is more of a sense that I'm always rushing.

Anyway, that is not the topic of the moment.  Here is the big news!  I am home alone -- well, just me and Bunny the Dog.
Those of you familiar with the reality of homeschooling will understand what a rare event this is for me.  I am with my children almost all the time.  And though they are attractive and charming and I love them with all my heart -- everybody needs a break now and then.  Homeschooling parents' breaks are few and far between.  Of course, it's not just one-sided.  I'm sure my children need a break from me as well.  After all, I'm an authority figure times two.

So, here I am eating my pasta with no one bothering me for a bite (not even Bunny at the moment) and watching a scary movie (my husband does not watch horror moves, so this is quite a rare event) so you can imagine that it's fun! After the movie (House at the End of the Street*), I'll read
my book in peace and maybe a starch-induced nap!

With the success of the book Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking by Susan Cain, I have been thinking often of my introverted nature.  I haven't read the book yet, but I have several thoughts about the subject.  I'm an expert.  I've been living my whole life as one. 

Of course, with self-publishing my novel, many of the pressures I have felt to be more social are back again.  Who am I to expect that my book with all its little letters all spelling out all its little words and all its little sentences and all its little paragraphs to stand alone without me there to knock on people's hands and shake their doors and be a proper salesman?!?!?!


I don't like knocking on hands and shaking doors.  I want to stay home and write on my computer. If I do have to go out and see people, it's going to take mental energy.  So, I've been thinking that this blog (right here!) is my way of being an extrovert (they spelled it extravert in my graduate psych classes at the New School).   I am reaching out to people.  I am voicing my opinions..  I am revealing my personality assets and defects. I am OPENING UP.

My introversion has it's own special flavor.  I have always been comfortable speaking in front of groups in a formal way.  That has never been a problem for me.  It is those informal gatherings with little groups of people (like parties, holidays, etc) that I find abhorrent.  Who will I talk to?  What will I say? What horrible, offensive, twisted, nasty, judgmental proclamation will some social moron manage to spout? What horrible, offensive, twisted, nasty, judgemental response might make it's way out of my penne-vodka-hole?

So, I have never like parties. People drink alcohol to loosen up socially, and that just doesn't work for me.  This is because I have some weird intolerance to alcohol. I can't get more than half a glass of anything down, so I don't think that's enough to
do the trick.  Don't get me wrong.  Sometimes I go to parties and have fun.  I plan to leave early and I end up staying a long time.  It all depends upon the personality mix, and that is unpredictable.  That is why I would prefer not to take the risk.

I really have a lot (Kids, don't use "a lot" in your writing) to say about being an introvert.  Maybe I can make this into a little series.  Here would be some of the topics: Why I don't have a close girlfriend to share secrets with; Why I don't share secrets with my husband; Whom (is that right?  is that when I'm supposed to use whom? would some better grammar expert let me know?)  I do share secrets with and why; Why I am not a "joiner" and will never, ever, ever-ever-ever (for the never-ever-ever-ever - thanks to Mr. Rupert at Prince Martial Arts Academy in Bridgewater, NJ)
be a member of any specific religion -- not Christian, Pagan, Wiccan, Buddhism -- none of it; why I am extremely reluctant to get to know people (this one will be full of shock, betrayal, and surprise); and why I just love, love, love people from a safe distance like a screen or a classroom.

In one of them, maybe I'll reveal the inspiration for the character of Celia in Dark Corner.  The psychologists (amateur and professional) will relish making connections between my "Celia" and my intimacy issues.  Stay tuned.

*
I should have looked at the Rotten Tomatoes reviews for House at the End of the Street. Eight percent fresh. And I do agree that it was rotten.  Oh well. I didn't invest any money.  It is on Netflix Instant Streaming.  I was thinking it might be like a Jodie Foster movie that fascinated me when I was a kid.  It was called The Little Girl Who Lives Down the Lane. Now that was fun viewing (in a sick, scary kind of way).

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I WANT I WANT I WANT -- A SUCCESS FANTASY

11/30/2013

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I want things to come on my terms, not society's terms.  That is why I may not be as successful as I'd like to be when it comes to the green stuff. I didn't think much about money until after I had children.  I think more and more about money now that I have a child who loves horses.  Horses were once about practical living; now they are for the elite.

In my youth, I wanted to be an actor. My quote then was, "I just want to act. I don't care whether I have to be a cocktail waitress for the rest of my life as long as I can keep doing theatre."  I never was a cocktail waitress, but it accurately described how I felt about it all.  Later, I wanted to be a psychologist, and in the midst of that I switched gears and became a teacher.  Now I own a pet care business.  None of these paths were particularly financially motivated.  Now, though, I'd really like to make the big bucks.  I have noticed how some other people are doing it -- many via the hopes and dreams of people like me -- the artistic types (I flatter myself, I know). For example, if you live in New York City, there is loads of money to be made offering services for actors -- acting coaches, casting director/agent seminars, photographers providing headshots -- anything that will further the dream of the would-be film or Broadway star. In the self-publishing business there are publicity firms, cover designers, reviewing services -- just about anything an ambitious soul could think to sell to a would-be author.

I want to make money, but I just can't create a business designed to take advantage of artists. If I could offer a great service, then I'd do it for free.  I'm not much of an entrepreneur, am I? Why am I going on about all of this?  I don't know.  What I really want to do is create a fantasy -- creative visualization if you will -- of my novel making me truckloads of money.  Sound fun.

So, I'll start here with my blog.  I get to break all of the rules and write whatever I feel like writing and everyone will just LOVE (don't use ALL CAPS, kids) reading it.  All my blabbering and blubbering about myself results in all sorts of traffic to my website, all kinds of interest in me, and particularly in my book.  From using the search terms associated with my blog, people from all over the world land here and then, of course, purchase my book.  The book is fun, interesting, exciting, and controversial, so that creates even more interest.  Remember all the kooks who think that children who read Harry Potter are going to hell?  Those kind of people can create some terrific interest in books, even as they condemn them.  Of course, in this fantasy, I'm perfectly safe from the nuts. Let's hope that part turns out okay.

So, the result of this crazy blog where I just write whatever I feel like writing and don't bother to follow any of the advice
about marketing and promotion, I make a few million in sales.  Wow!  A few million!  So I can buy my daughter that horse she wants, and hey, lets throw in a horse for me too!  Of course we need a nice farmhouse on at least fifty acres, don't you think?  Wouldn't it be nice if Robin Wingfield paid for my farm? 

Oh, and we can't forget the practical stuff -- like John and Maddie's college all paid up.  John wants to start a business someday?  Well, I've got the capital right here, thanks to Dark Corner! 

And then the movie deal. Of course, it's going to make a great movie.  Not one of those cheap and cheesy deals with a terribly adaptation and Nickelodeon type teens with their artificially straightened hair and over the top acting styles, but a really senstive, beautiful, subtle high-quality production that will appeal to adults as well as teens. 

And that movie just adds to the bank account, and to my power to publish.  I can dig out my screenplay and get Modern Persecution produced and finally give Elizabeth Parsons Ware Packard (if you don't know who she is, just Google her)
the publicity she deserves.  Now here, I must confess one of my worst moments as a writer. Let's take a little side trip from the world of positive creative visualization to my worst moment as a writer.

I will keep it short, because it is painful.  In a class at New School University called Madness in Literature with Professor Michael Vannoy Adams, I learned all about Elizabeth Parsons Ware Packard.  I wrote a play about her life as part of the class.  I fine tuned the play and then at some point became inspired to make it into a screenplay.  I purchased Movie Magic Screenwriter
and followed all of the author's advice (I tried to give him credit, but all I can find is that it was published by Write Bros) and wrote a really tight screenplay about her life.  Then, what did I do?  Nothing.  Just let it sit in my computer.  Lazy.  Got busy.  Typical me. Can you guess what happened?  Some wonderful person -- just like me except with better connections -- managed to produce a play about the life of Elizabeth Parsons Ware Packard.  I can't tell you what a blow this was. I knew it was a possibility that someone else would have the same idea, but when Emily Mann came out with her play, Mrs. Packard, it was just devastating to me.  All that work -- my play and my screenplay -- usurped.  Of course, it is not the same play.  And I know of no screenplay (if it exists, do not tell me) but when I get down about something, there's no talking me out of it.  I felt that anything I did with the creation would seem second rate, because the play Mrs. Packard came before (even though it didn't really come before).

Sad story over, lets talk about The Adventures of Robin Wingfield: Dark Corner again.  Now no one can take that from me.  It's 100% mine, because it is my fiction, not a historical character's life.  Still, I hold out a little candle of hope for my screenplay.  In this scenario, Robin Wingfield opens the door to my screenplay.  I can make it happen.  A fantastically successful Hollywood film in which my screenplay is sensitively executed and Elizabeth ("I know you're up there, Elizabeth") smiles down upon me.  Finally, her story is told to the numbers of people she had always hoped to reach. 

I'm having a great deal of fun with this! (Kids, don't use too many exclamation points.  It makes you look like an amateur -- but you are just that, aren't you?  So I say, pepper everything with exclamation points! Yay! Exclamation points!!  They make me so happy!!!)!!!!!.  So here I am with my farm, horses, tickets to college for my children, a Hollywood film that has been nominated for an Academy Award in a number of categories including Best Screenplay (which it will win, of course).  Now throw in a couple of electric cars and a summer long trip to a fat farm so I can look really good while accepting my Academy Award.  And to think it's all thanks to Robin Wingfield! 
 

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